I don`t really write about personal issues on blogs but this time I will. I usually write about my characters and what happens to them. I write about what affects people or thoughts about life, usually not my life specifically. Maybe someone will read this and feel better that there are others who feel the same.
Relationships are difficult for me. I usually start with someone with nice a personality. We have lots of fun and there is lots of passion.
Always there comes a time where I become faced with emotional aggression. I do not get physically attacked but I get insulted, manipulated at and shouted at regularly. I can honestly say I try my best to stop this. I use reason, I request the behaviour to stop, I leave the house. Then the abuse continues regardless of what I do and becomes more frequent. Eventually I have to leave the relationship in order to protect my own health.
I know of other authors who write books with love. They write loving words and loving phrases. Recently I found out that one of these authors has had several abusive relationships. That she was going through the court process currently because her husband wanted half her royalties for the rest of her life.
I am a very forgiving person and maybe this happens because people know I will forgive if they are disrespectful to me. It is difficult to forgive constantly when the behaviour is repeated. Ultimately it is the dance between your own right to be respected as a person and the other persons right to be respected and the capacity to love in a loving, not a controlling, way. The ability to stand up for yourself in a loving but effective way. To not be afraid to face aggression and to resolve it.
I believe that everything in life teaches us something. When you learn how to deal with something the issue stops repeating. I could end up with the same type of personality in another relationship. Maybe I need to learn how to handle this behaviour. As I read in a book once “Yes you have been in this place before but you have not been beyond it.” I would like to go beyond these situations and know the path to do so.